Have you ever wondered why we close our eyes when captivated by a passionate kiss? I have several theories about this involuntary submission. I believe that the moments leading up to it are filled with such agonizing anticipation that we close our eyes in effort to not disturb the collaboration of passion being shared with the distraction of what we might glance at with our eyes. I believe, naturally our eyes close in order for the rest of our senses to feel the weight and enormity of this delicate dance. It is such a beautiful gift that our bodies physically and desperately attempt to stop time by shutting everything else around us out but The very thing that is right in front of us. I spend a considerable amount of time highlighting the challenges and obstacles that come with being visually impaired. It is rare, although a very large portion of my life, that I explain the beauty of living in a senseless bliss..
Unless time is shared audibly, I really have no instant validation of where I am throughout the day. Typically when I am hungry, it might be mid day. The sounds of chirping birds and the warmth of the sun outside my window will let me know it might be morning. A cool breeze and cars rapidly passing by might indicate that it’s the afternoon. When a permanent fixture or instrument of time is removed a very peculiar thing happens. Your sense of time and what it means begins to vary around your purpose. It’s focused… Direct… Sometimes uncomfortably aggressive in the eagerness of its nature. Every idea, word and movement has a reason, intended end and meaning. This is why we say things like “life is short” or “time goes by fast when we’re having fun.” Purpose and time are not synonymous but if you have one you will have the other. What tends to happen is that the more we see the more we limit ourselves, Our abilities, our thoughts, and our time which inadvertently confines our purpose to our strength. What we perceive as strengths are weak to an all encompassing and omniscient God. If we are all spirits temporarily living in bodies until we are called back to heaven, we really were never created to end that is why we say that death is a transition. Our bodies respect time and for that we naturally react to time. But what happens when you cannot see the remnants of time? What if when you open your eyes you could not see the effects of aging, growth, death, life a sun and a moon but you could feel it? Purpose becomes imminent, awareness is heightened and time becomes as precious as stones. As long as you have purpose, you have time. As long as you have time, you have a purpose to fulfill. We are never granted the opportunity of knowing how much time we have left but we are given a purpose. Live in purpose.
I discovered the beauty of my affliction, my purpose, while spending time in isolation. Losing my site, the ability to walk and spending nine hours every single night doing dialysis will force you to desire an end and crave in the most excruciating way, time. The paradox seemed cruel for one person.Everything was trapped in my head because I had no visual outlet to direct and detour my thoughts and energy. It was only through faith and love that I kept my sanity in my quiet place, the darkness. Beautiful things happen in the dark. When you close your eyes you might remember a fond memory a little bit more clearer. When you pray, you close your eyes. Dreams and ideas are birthed at night. Woman was created when man was sleep. Seeds are planted in in the darkness of dirt. A Savior was born… In the middle of the night. You never truly experience the depth of love into you have endured darkness.
What does blind love look like… Or better yet, feel like? I notice The pauses, inflections and pace of what RaM is telling me. We began dating in the thick of both of our darkness. We have an bond that goes deeper than the superficial. It has been cultivated by time and trials. I have developed a keen appreciation behind the meaning of his words. When he is guiding me down the street when we hold hands I can feel the intensity of the moment as well as the attention of our surroundings and intention behind every embrace. I have noticed when he is hungry, angry, excited, tired or happy simply buy placing my hand on his chest and feeling the rhythm of his heartbeat. It all seems so romantic in theory but very practical in nature. I can’t help but wonder if I would even have the instinct to pay attention to these moments if I was given the responsibility of sight. It seems as though the world wants us to hurry when we are just trying to linger in between our moments. Although Time seems to quicken during hours of sadness, Time stops when love is near. I was a mere shadow when I was at my worst but honing my energy, focus and just sheer will to see the possibility of a maybe made his commitment in love so profound it made me feel like a human again and not just a diagnosis. People live an entire lifetime just to experience the fruition of their hopes. Literature is cemented onto paper and embedded in minds to highlight the significance of this action to humankind. I received that in the peak of darkness… both Literally and figuratively. There are many different types of love but I felt it necessary to illustrate this love I have experience because it requires two different beings to lay aside all expectations, love in The very moment you were blessed to have and seek a deeper understanding of your purpose through one another. I may decorate my feelings and expressions with elaborate words, romanticizing the visual placing emphasis on my point but please just take some time to recognize the level of vulnerability of my thoughts.
I see time different. I see Faith different. I see love different. You will only see the brightness of a star at night from far away but if you hold on that star will eventually come close enough to turn everything into day is the sun. Beauty will always be in the eye of the beholder because where there is Light there can be no darkness.